|Lyrics:||(Cledus T. Judd/Tommy Crain/Taz Gregorio/Charlie Daniels/Fred Edwards/Charlie Hayward/Jim|
Cledus went down to Florida, he was lookin for a car to steal.
He was in a
bind, ten payments behind so the bank repod his wheels.
When he came across this old man down
at Jalopys Used Car lot.
Then Cledus jumped up on the top of one and said:
"Fella, let me
tell you what."
"Im not gonna be proud of the deed Im 'bout to do.
"With no time to
spare, I gotta be somewhere,
"So Im gonna steal a car from you.
"Now Ive seen your
selection here and I admit the pickin's are few.
"I know the Pinto's gold but consider it
"'Cos I got a show to do. "
The man said: My name's Jalopy," as he gave an evil
'Cos he knew that car wouldnt get too far 'fore the motor blew up again.
Cledus, you better hit the road if youre gonna be a star.
The shows way up in Georgia and
youre opening up for Garth.
Your future's riding on this shiny Pinto painted gold.
youre late, its Jeff Foxworthy's show.
Oh, gosh a Pinto, my foot. It drives more like
a horse and buggy. Durn.
Cledus said: "No way in heck youre gonna open up that
Then fire flew from the manifold as his right front tyre blowed.
And he pushed that
wreck across the street and man was Cledus tissed.
And he tried and tried to start her up but
it sounded something like this.
Come on. Come on.
Oh Gawd, Im in a mess what am I gonna
My one big shot for Garth Brooks .
Oh durn it.
When Cledus opened up the
hood he said: Ill be a son of a gun.
And didnt long to figure out why the heck it wouldnt run.
Fire from the engine, lots of smoke.
He can already hear them redneck jokes.
Dead blamed oil pan laying in the road.
Will he make the show, heck no, heck no.
Taxi! Greyhound! Yellow cab! Somebody!
Ill show him a redneck.
a redneck when I get my hands around his throat.
Im sick of it.
Cledus shook his
head as he watched Foxworthys show.
And he heard him joke of how he passed a burning gold
Then later on, Garth told Cledus: "Youll never get the chance again,"
As he gave
the check to that durned redneck who drove a Mercedes Benz.
He said: "Tough break, big
"Before I go would you like to hear another redneck joke?
"Did you know I got my own
Well, does anybody watch it? (No, heck, no.)
Well, you might be a redneck
if your mom and daddy cathes you out behind the barn.
Whupping Jeff Foxworthy for talking about
rednecks all the time.
Aw, shoot Im just kidding, Jeff.
I wished I could be your best
Do ya like me?
Id love to be on your TV show.
Come here to me.